I feel trapped!

Wait a minute. Did you make the decision to marry or not?

Let me have a few minutes with you and maybe , just maybe turn your entire life around into something wonderful.

When you're 20, it's easy to think that life is passing you by, that the guys have all the fun and you're tied down. Believe it or not, you're going to be 40, one of these days. You're going to be 50, then 60 faster than you could ever imagine.

If you're married now and things are good, it's time to think about keeping it good. If you're married and things aren't so good, you better do yourself a favor and find out why and fix it.

" Oh it was just the heat of attraction". Do you really think it happens any other way? Do you really think that all those long time marriages, started out with no thoughts about sex at all, it was just true love from the beginning? You have another thing coming.

Regardless of how it happened for you, you got married. And wasn't that lovely lady in love with you, at the time? Weren't you in love with her, at the time? So what has cooled?

Maybe nothing more than a good dose of reality. Ever think about that one?

Do you know why people save and plan for retirement? Are they just thinking 'survival' or are they thinking about a whole lot more out of life? Don't you think they have visions of traveling and doing the things they've never had the time to do?

What's the difference between saving towards your retirement, and making a marriage work? Both are taking you toward that day of peace and comfort. That day when you can finally stop clocking in to work, every morning.

You work now, so you can play later. If you play now, you'll wind up toiling away when your body is tired and weak. Now there's something to look forward to. The guy who plays first, expecting that somehow everything will work out, finds himself flat broke and with nothing to show for all his years. Who's going to support you? Welfare? Social Security? You going to find some way to survive on less than $1000 a month? You'd be a fool to wait and depend on others, to take care of you when you're old. So the idea is to work for it now, while you're young and strong.

The same with marriage. Marriage isn't a contract, guaranteeing your entertainment and pleasure. It's a contract between two people, willing to work together for the good of both. It's kind of like having a right leg, to go with the left. It's a whole lot easier to walk with 2 legs.

OK, so you're young and you've gotten married. Now what? Work, boy, work! It's your future, we're talking about, not today's pleasures. You work together to form a great team and that team is more polished and workable, every year that goes by.

The mistake most young folks make, is in thinking they will always feel the way they do today. The problem is, that's not reality. Reality says you're going to slow down, you're going to lose muscle tone, and you're just liable to be subjected to physical conditions, you never dreamed of.

Are you going to wait until you are too old to be pleasing to the other sex, before deciding to settle down? I'll show you thousands of guys who thought that way. Nobody wants to get tangled up with a guy who will probably last another 10 or 20 years and become a burden. Nobody!

I'm 63 years old and long time divorced. You think I'm out there looking? You're out of your mind. Any guy out there that's my age and available, is available for a reason. I don't want somebody else's left overs. It's kind of like buying a used car. You're buying somebody's car problems. Oh no, no no no....I may be facing old age alone, but I'll face it without the dread of nursing some old guy who never gave me anything.

If I had had a decent man, I'd still be married and I'd find a way to make it work. That's the guy I'd face old age with. The one who was there when the kids were born. The one who was there when the car broke down. That guy. I won't take on somebody else's problems. You see where I'm coming from?

I don't care how handsome you are, how rich your are, how popular you are....you can lose it all. Who's going to be there to hold your hand? Will it be the bride of your youth? Will it be some gold mining young chick who will run out on you, the minute you start to stink or get too ugly?

Be smart, guys. Invest in your future. Take care of that woman you married. Stop thinking of her as a ball and chain. Straighten up your head and look at things as they really are, not the childish things you've been thinking.

Now, while still working at your team, it's not all about you but believe me, when you're old, it can become all about you in a snap.

Does this dress make me look fat?

Never! I mean, NEVER say what you think. Let me share with you, the proper way to answer. It works. I promise.

You have to crawl outside of yourself and into her mind, to answer this question. Here's what it sounds like:

"Hon. You know I'm blind, when it comes to you. I look at you through loving eyes and I can't see what it is you see, when looking in the mirror. So this is a hard one for me. I have to find some way to look at you like a stranger, before I can answer that. To me, you're beautiful all the time.

Now, the only way I can come even close to giving you an unbiased opinion, is to look at you the way you do. I love you and I know what would embarrass you, so that's all I can come up with - What would embarrass you. So please, don't take offense, if I say something you don't want to hear. I'm not talking from my point of view, I'm trying to see things from your point of view.

I mean, it's like if you have something between your teeth. I tell you because I love you and don't want you to discover it later and hate me for not telling you. I don't tell you because it offends me. "

Then and only then, take a good hard look. I mean, really! For her sake. Have her turn around. Cock your head a little. Act like you care!

Then you can say something like," OK. Everything looks great except one area. That skirt cups around your belly. You can't see it in the mirror but looking at you the way others will, is a whole other matter. You know I love you and don't care but I know you care and would be embarrassed if you knew what others could see. So, I'm telling you, in all truthfulness, except for that section of the skirt, it looks great."

You see, where guys go all wrong is not understanding that his woman wants to know he's on her side. She doesn't need your criticism. She needs your understanding and love. She wants to know that when she steps out that door, other people are not going to look at her and be thinking, "Why couldn't her husband tell her what that looks like?"

That's it. That's what it's all about. You approach her in this way and she'll trust your opinion for the rest of her life and will continuously come to you for that final approval. She will also feel safe, when she steps out the door.

Nothing will endear you to your wife, more than letting her know you're on her side.

Valentine's Day

As silly as it seems, guys, Valentine's Day holds a special place in a woman's heart. From the time she was old enough to think about romance, she has secretly yearned for that special someone, handing her the biggest box of chocolates in the store.

Don't ask us why. We may not even be able to eat that candy. It's just the idea, that secret little girls wishes. It never goes away.

"Nothing"

What does it mean? In truth, it means I wish I could talk to you but I already know you don't care. Or worse, you care more about your own selfish feelings than you do about me.

Or even worse: I've already tried talking about this and already know you won't listen.

There is an old country song that rings so very true. Every tear drop, makes her love for you die a little more.

If you want rid of her fast, make her cry every day.

"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Sound familiar? Right now, I'm talking to that man who really wants to reach out, really wants a good relationship, really and truly cares what hurts her and is willing to listen.

Listen: means to keep your mouth shut, means to look her in the eye, means to not make stupid faces at every turn. Listening is done with the ears and the heart, not the mouth and attitude.

If she's been unsuccessful in talking openly with you, in the past, now is the time to assure her, you will listen with an open heart. I really do mean to say, "I will listen with an open heart. I won't interrupt. I will try to see it from your point of view."

Women are not just converted men. Women have a whole other set of values and concerns that men just don't get. If there's a problem between you, it's not time to try to be a woman, it's time to step over the line and try to view the world as a woman, long enough to say, "I see it now. I'm so sorry. I love you".

What's the big deal in saying those words? Why does it seem that some men take it to mean they are a woos?

Think of the gentle giant and be one. The bigger and stronger the man, the more impressive it is for him to be gentle and caring for those lesser than himself in strength and power. This is the man, that towers above the rest.

About This Blog

This blog is written by a 63 year old woman, married and divorced 4 times and never found that one perfect mate.

I've lived through all the ups and downs of marriage and if there's anybody in this world, that understands your wife, it's me.

I'll tell you, right up front, I wouldn't go back and relive those young woman years, for all the money in the world. So listen to this old lady, and learn.