Just One Lie

When my granson was only about 8 years old, we used to go for walks through the cemetery. It was the biggest and oldest in the city, with lush grass and many trees and made for a pleasant walk.

We examined old tomb stones to put together of a life gone by. Finding a whole plot with several family members, some as young as 6 months old and all having died within days of each other, I presumed one of those virus's that wiped out whole communities. I discussed things like how fortunate we are today,with our modern medicine and how much easier life is today than it was for our great-great grand parents.

It was on one of these walks, I delved into another very serious discussion about trust. This was the day, I shared with my young grandson, what it means to lose someones trust in him. As I told him, "Tell me one lie, and I lose trust in you and you will spend the next 10 years, working to regain that trust. So don't ever lie to your loved ones. The pain on both sides is long lasting and deep."

He told his first lie, within that year and sure enough, lost my trust in him. The next time he came to me with something he wanted to do, I had to tell him that since I couldn't be there with him, he couldn't go because I no longer trusted him. I think it was something like a year later, that I was able to show faith in my grandson again. Needless to say, he was relieved.

So what's my point? Just because you're a grown up, doesn't mean you can't lose someone's trust in you. Tell just one lie and you've lost it. You don't know the value in having others have faith in you, until you've lost it. Why risk that?

If you lie to your significant other, don't expect to have her faith in you for a very, very long time. It's harder to regain, than to hold on to her trust. To not be trusted, is about the hardest thing for a body to face.

Don't believe me? Try it.

My Wife is Cold in Bed !

My father used to say something that was so profound and so true. "There is no such thing as a cold woman, only clumsy men".

That, of course, was a man's way of saying it. Now I'll try to explain it.

On more than one occasion, I heard other men call my dad 'pussy whipped'. Want to know what his reaction was? "You betcha" with a huge grin and a twinkle in his eye. Boy could he make those eyes twinkle. He was one happy guy.

So where did this attitude come from that a man who appeared to be letting his wife have her way, with just about anything, was a bad thing? My dad, was one smart guy. He let his wife think she was the boss of the house and that was his ticket to have her, any time, any day and as often as he wanted and she loved it.

So which of you wins all the arguments? Poor guy. Which of you puts your wife down, in public as well as at home? You poor love starved soul. Which of you see yourself as 'the MAN'. How lonely is that?

Now I'll ask it from the other point of view. Which of you lets the whole world think your wife walks all over you? Not a bad ticket. Is it?

Who cares what the world thinks, if you're getting yours at home? Which makes you happy? The opinions of strangers or your wife's attitude toward you. Those strangers are never going to give you what you need, in life. Where will they be, when you're old and sick? Where were they , when you couldn't even get a peck on the cheek from your own wife?

OK, so here's the lowdown. What you said last month, dictates your wife's mood tonight. Apologies just remind her of what you said. It doesn't fix things. What's worse, you don't even remember!

So, isn't that a huge reason for being careful what you say to and about your wife? You're way ahead, if you learn early, that it doesn't take away from your esteem, to hold your wife up on a pedestal. That, of course, is regardless of what others may think about her.

Hold your wife in high esteem and you get several reactions. One is jealousy from other women, another is scoff from your male friends and the last is a wife who's always ready. Oh, and by the way, those male scoffing friends? They should wish they could have their wive's attention, the way you do. Let 'em scoff. No skin off your nose.

What feeds your soul and sooths the day, happens at home in privacy. Not at the bar. Not with your buddies.

Sympathize when your wife has had her feelings hurt. Give an understanding ear to her problems, even if you don't agree. Always, act like you couldn't walk without her by your side. Hold her hand. Put an arm around her waist in public, so she knows you're proud of her. Never push yourself on her so that she feels like it's always her decision.

Being this way with your woman, keeps her in the 'mood' a whole lot more than if you make demands on her or worse, insult her.

I can't talk for men, but I sure know what women are like and if a woman ever catches you in a lie, you've lost her. One lie, tells her you're capable of lying ,and the trust and honor goes right out the window. If your wife can't trust you, she can't warm up for you. Don't ever lie to your wife.

I feel trapped!

Wait a minute. Did you make the decision to marry or not?

Let me have a few minutes with you and maybe , just maybe turn your entire life around into something wonderful.

When you're 20, it's easy to think that life is passing you by, that the guys have all the fun and you're tied down. Believe it or not, you're going to be 40, one of these days. You're going to be 50, then 60 faster than you could ever imagine.

If you're married now and things are good, it's time to think about keeping it good. If you're married and things aren't so good, you better do yourself a favor and find out why and fix it.

" Oh it was just the heat of attraction". Do you really think it happens any other way? Do you really think that all those long time marriages, started out with no thoughts about sex at all, it was just true love from the beginning? You have another thing coming.

Regardless of how it happened for you, you got married. And wasn't that lovely lady in love with you, at the time? Weren't you in love with her, at the time? So what has cooled?

Maybe nothing more than a good dose of reality. Ever think about that one?

Do you know why people save and plan for retirement? Are they just thinking 'survival' or are they thinking about a whole lot more out of life? Don't you think they have visions of traveling and doing the things they've never had the time to do?

What's the difference between saving towards your retirement, and making a marriage work? Both are taking you toward that day of peace and comfort. That day when you can finally stop clocking in to work, every morning.

You work now, so you can play later. If you play now, you'll wind up toiling away when your body is tired and weak. Now there's something to look forward to. The guy who plays first, expecting that somehow everything will work out, finds himself flat broke and with nothing to show for all his years. Who's going to support you? Welfare? Social Security? You going to find some way to survive on less than $1000 a month? You'd be a fool to wait and depend on others, to take care of you when you're old. So the idea is to work for it now, while you're young and strong.

The same with marriage. Marriage isn't a contract, guaranteeing your entertainment and pleasure. It's a contract between two people, willing to work together for the good of both. It's kind of like having a right leg, to go with the left. It's a whole lot easier to walk with 2 legs.

OK, so you're young and you've gotten married. Now what? Work, boy, work! It's your future, we're talking about, not today's pleasures. You work together to form a great team and that team is more polished and workable, every year that goes by.

The mistake most young folks make, is in thinking they will always feel the way they do today. The problem is, that's not reality. Reality says you're going to slow down, you're going to lose muscle tone, and you're just liable to be subjected to physical conditions, you never dreamed of.

Are you going to wait until you are too old to be pleasing to the other sex, before deciding to settle down? I'll show you thousands of guys who thought that way. Nobody wants to get tangled up with a guy who will probably last another 10 or 20 years and become a burden. Nobody!

I'm 63 years old and long time divorced. You think I'm out there looking? You're out of your mind. Any guy out there that's my age and available, is available for a reason. I don't want somebody else's left overs. It's kind of like buying a used car. You're buying somebody's car problems. Oh no, no no no....I may be facing old age alone, but I'll face it without the dread of nursing some old guy who never gave me anything.

If I had had a decent man, I'd still be married and I'd find a way to make it work. That's the guy I'd face old age with. The one who was there when the kids were born. The one who was there when the car broke down. That guy. I won't take on somebody else's problems. You see where I'm coming from?

I don't care how handsome you are, how rich your are, how popular you are....you can lose it all. Who's going to be there to hold your hand? Will it be the bride of your youth? Will it be some gold mining young chick who will run out on you, the minute you start to stink or get too ugly?

Be smart, guys. Invest in your future. Take care of that woman you married. Stop thinking of her as a ball and chain. Straighten up your head and look at things as they really are, not the childish things you've been thinking.

Now, while still working at your team, it's not all about you but believe me, when you're old, it can become all about you in a snap.

Does this dress make me look fat?

Never! I mean, NEVER say what you think. Let me share with you, the proper way to answer. It works. I promise.

You have to crawl outside of yourself and into her mind, to answer this question. Here's what it sounds like:

"Hon. You know I'm blind, when it comes to you. I look at you through loving eyes and I can't see what it is you see, when looking in the mirror. So this is a hard one for me. I have to find some way to look at you like a stranger, before I can answer that. To me, you're beautiful all the time.

Now, the only way I can come even close to giving you an unbiased opinion, is to look at you the way you do. I love you and I know what would embarrass you, so that's all I can come up with - What would embarrass you. So please, don't take offense, if I say something you don't want to hear. I'm not talking from my point of view, I'm trying to see things from your point of view.

I mean, it's like if you have something between your teeth. I tell you because I love you and don't want you to discover it later and hate me for not telling you. I don't tell you because it offends me. "

Then and only then, take a good hard look. I mean, really! For her sake. Have her turn around. Cock your head a little. Act like you care!

Then you can say something like," OK. Everything looks great except one area. That skirt cups around your belly. You can't see it in the mirror but looking at you the way others will, is a whole other matter. You know I love you and don't care but I know you care and would be embarrassed if you knew what others could see. So, I'm telling you, in all truthfulness, except for that section of the skirt, it looks great."

You see, where guys go all wrong is not understanding that his woman wants to know he's on her side. She doesn't need your criticism. She needs your understanding and love. She wants to know that when she steps out that door, other people are not going to look at her and be thinking, "Why couldn't her husband tell her what that looks like?"

That's it. That's what it's all about. You approach her in this way and she'll trust your opinion for the rest of her life and will continuously come to you for that final approval. She will also feel safe, when she steps out the door.

Nothing will endear you to your wife, more than letting her know you're on her side.

Valentine's Day

As silly as it seems, guys, Valentine's Day holds a special place in a woman's heart. From the time she was old enough to think about romance, she has secretly yearned for that special someone, handing her the biggest box of chocolates in the store.

Don't ask us why. We may not even be able to eat that candy. It's just the idea, that secret little girls wishes. It never goes away.

"Nothing"

What does it mean? In truth, it means I wish I could talk to you but I already know you don't care. Or worse, you care more about your own selfish feelings than you do about me.

Or even worse: I've already tried talking about this and already know you won't listen.

There is an old country song that rings so very true. Every tear drop, makes her love for you die a little more.

If you want rid of her fast, make her cry every day.

"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Sound familiar? Right now, I'm talking to that man who really wants to reach out, really wants a good relationship, really and truly cares what hurts her and is willing to listen.

Listen: means to keep your mouth shut, means to look her in the eye, means to not make stupid faces at every turn. Listening is done with the ears and the heart, not the mouth and attitude.

If she's been unsuccessful in talking openly with you, in the past, now is the time to assure her, you will listen with an open heart. I really do mean to say, "I will listen with an open heart. I won't interrupt. I will try to see it from your point of view."

Women are not just converted men. Women have a whole other set of values and concerns that men just don't get. If there's a problem between you, it's not time to try to be a woman, it's time to step over the line and try to view the world as a woman, long enough to say, "I see it now. I'm so sorry. I love you".

What's the big deal in saying those words? Why does it seem that some men take it to mean they are a woos?

Think of the gentle giant and be one. The bigger and stronger the man, the more impressive it is for him to be gentle and caring for those lesser than himself in strength and power. This is the man, that towers above the rest.

About This Blog

This blog is written by a 63 year old woman, married and divorced 4 times and never found that one perfect mate.

I've lived through all the ups and downs of marriage and if there's anybody in this world, that understands your wife, it's me.

I'll tell you, right up front, I wouldn't go back and relive those young woman years, for all the money in the world. So listen to this old lady, and learn.