Lies

Let me tell you straight and this is without question and never fails. Your first lie to your mate, is the first step toward doom.

You can doubt it, you can defy me, you can try it out for yourself but the minute you tell that first lie, will lead to another and another until you are no longer the person he/she married and the game is over. This goes, of course, for either partner.

Cheat on your wife? It's a lie. I mean, would you tell her about it before hand? The best advice I could ever offer to anyone wishing to be in and keep a good relationship, is to speak the truth at all times, regardless of the consequences. No matter what happens, it won't be the damning blow that a lie brings.

Stand in Agreement with your Wife

One of the fastest ways I know of, to start building a wall between you and your mate, is to side with one of the children against your mate.

Although this was also reason, many times, for bitterness against my own father, I didn't stop respecting him for his attitude. Regardless of the circumstances, he stood on the side of my mother. In my opinion, it's the only way to be when raising children.

Always remember that she came into your life, long before those children and she will be the one remaining, after the kids leave home.

Determine to agree with your wife, when it comes to the household or children, in all things regardless of the circumstance and she will trust you.

Disagreements belong behind closed doors and out of earshot of the children. What goes on between the two of you, is nobody else's business. Ever!

If you step across that boundary just once, you've destroyed all faith in you as a husband and friend.

Farting and Picking Your Nose

When you're with the boys, these things don't seem to be a big deal. As a matter of fact, in some circles, you're expecting to act this way.

At home, you let out a hug fog in the living room and think nothing of it and you certainly think your wife tolerates it, if not actually thinks it's funny.

Well, guess what. She doesn't think it's funny or cute and she certainly doesn't appreciate your humor while she's sitting there enjoying a bowl of ice cream.

I had a husband (note the had part) who thought it cute to climb into bed, let out a huge fart, lift the covers with his feet, hold down his side of the covers and lift mine up so that I got the full impact. He'd laugh like he'd just pulled of the royal prank of the year and then come at me, wanting sex. Is it any wonder, I soon started referring to myself as a log with a hole in it? Oh, that's right, you guys don't know what I'm talking about.

Picking your nose, especially in public is about the biggest turn off I can think of. If you happen to actually have a woman who appreciates that, it's definitely a sign that you both deserve each other. This is almost as offensive as a guy who would plunge his hand down the front of his pants, in public, to scratch.

At home, some wives are left to wonder who actually raised her man. From what she can gather, it was a herd of goats. Who, with any manners at all, would drop their underwear loaded with skid marks and chunks, right in the middle of the bathroom floor so that if and when his wife came walking through, she'd either step in  his feces or dodge around them? If there's not a hamper nearby, the least you can do is fold them over so that nobody has to see your insides, and push them into the corner until you're done with your shower.

Some guys have never heard of the concept of folding and hanging up their towel, so that it will dry. If you're not one of these, then believe it or not, you have fellow males who think the floor is the only place for a wet towel.

When your wife has gone to the trouble of fixing and serving dinner, at an actuall dinner table with chairs and the whole scene, have the decency to show up with a clean shirt on. Nobody wants to stare at your hairy, sweaty belly while they are trying to eat. If you want to pick your ears, do it in the bathroom or bedroom, not while watching TV and especially sitting at the dinner table.

"See" food, is not funny. It's gross and stomach turning and in my opinion, any guy that would open his mouth full of food and make sure everyone sees, belongs in a barn with the cows.

Those of us who live in America, would like to say to thousands of men, we are not in old Arabia. If you have to burb during a meal, cover your mouth with your fist or napkin and be as discrete as possible and then say, "Excuse me". It won't kill you to show a little respect at the table.

Holding fist over fork is the way baby's use utensils. Not grown ups. Learn how to do it right and be a man.

You want to turn you woman completely 'OFF', let that door slam in her face. Go ahead, I dare you. What ever happened to gentlemen? And by the way, walking 10 feet ahead of your woman is for third world countries, not civilized communities of America or the UK,etc.

Referring to your woman as 'my old lady' is demeaning and downright disgusting. Neither does your woman have 'tits', cows have teets.

When you think walking beside your woman with your hand on her ass, is showing the world that 'this is mine', let me clue you in. The rest of the world feels sorry for that woman to have such a crude ass for a husband. And by the way, she knows that and it's embarrassing.

Let's see....you start the morning with a huge fart, come home at night all sweaty and dirty and sit down to the dinner table without your shirt, fart a few times and belch as loud as you can. Then you sit in front of the TV, wiping the sweat off your back onto the new velour chair and drinking a beer. Then you get up to shower, drop your filthy underwear right in front of the bathroom door, instead of in the hamper. She comes in and steps right on your chunks and you find out and laugh.

Then you sit watching TV while demanding your wife sit there and consume her own evening, scratching your back. Then at bed time, you let out a huge fart just after she's climbed into bed and you wonder why she suddenly has 'a headache'.

Start the countdown on your own personal doomsday clock.

Women Need Assurance

This doesn't mean that women have a low self esteem or have a hard time keeping her head up. It means, that when a woman has committed herself to you, she wants to know nothing has changed. She wants to know you still appreciate her for being with you, that you still love and cherish her.

So how do you go around reassuring her all the time? Not with words, dummy. Actions still speak louder.

How long has it been since you've shown her, you want to be alone with her at a restaurant? That you cherish your time together and don't want to lose years of moments.

How long has it been since you simply held her in your arms, without pushing for sex, looking deep into her eyes while reminding her that you love her?

When you come home from work what's the first thing you do? Do you drop what ever is in your hands and head for the shower? Do you yell out , "What's for dinner"? What you should be doing is heading straight for your love and giving her a warm hug and hello.

Now I'm going to tell you a woman's secrets. Your wife may act as though being introduced to one of your old girl friends, has no affect on her but let me assure you, you have just pushed your marriage one step closer to a divorce. She really doesn't want to be reminded of the two of you in bed together. Like it or not, that's the first thought to cross her mind, while she smiles sweetly and greets your old girlfriend. You have no cause to be angry with your wife. You wanted a woman, you've got one.

If you wanted to live with someone who thought as you do, you should have found a man, not a woman.

When in public and your eyes stray to that woman walking down the aisle, your wife will feel slighted. She may deny it, you may demand it, but the fact is, she definitely realizes you weren't looking at her but at some stranger. You know, paybacks could be hell.

Yes, that lady was strikingly beautiful. Yes, she was stacked. Truly, what business is that of yours? She belongs to someone else.  If it's not something you'd share with your wife, then get your wandering eyes off it before she catches you at it.

Something my EX husband used to try on me was, "Where we boys go, is no place for you". Excuse me? If it's a place I shouldn't be, and it has nothing to do with work, then what the hell was he doing there? I'm sorry, that one won't fly.

Your woman has feelings and to deny those feelings, is to drive another nail in the coffin of the marriage. You may not see it today but you will someday soon. Keep hurting her and the day will come when she stops hurting. In fact, she will have stopped caring at all.

It's all up to you. If you love your wife and want to keep her, you'll listen to what I'm saying.

Her Language. His language.

She says "I have nothing to wear" and means, I have nothing new that everybody hasn't already seen. Or it may mean she lost weight and feels she looks ridiculous in her old clothes.

He says, "I have nothing to wear" and means, all my clothes are in the hamper.

Same sentence. Right? Then how can there be such a difference in the meaning? Well, um...haven't you heard that girls are different from boys?  Oh, you thought that just meant physically.

You say, "Out with the boys" which could mean anything from a poker game to bar hopping. She says, "Out with the girls" which usually means lunch and window shopping. Either one can present its own problems but 'Out with the boys' could also involve a topless bar, which pretty much puts the 'boys' in a whole other category from the 'girls'. While the 'girls' concentrate on each other, the 'boys' could possibly be concentrating on other women. You can see the vast differences.

Just remember that when you're talking to the love of your life, you really have to be talking her language or you just might find yourself in trouble.

You, the man, have to be shown respect, while she, the woman, needs to be shown love. See any differences there? While you, the man, try showing respect to your wife, she gets the idea you just want her around to cook and clean. On the other hand, if she tries to show you love and not respect, you get the idea she's mothering you and not seeing you as a man. See how that works?  So stop treating her like you do your buddies. She's not your buddy. She's another species - a woman.

Showing your woman love is the same to her as respect. Her showing respect to you is the same as showing love. Remember that and you will save yourself hours of battles.

Just One Lie

When my granson was only about 8 years old, we used to go for walks through the cemetery. It was the biggest and oldest in the city, with lush grass and many trees and made for a pleasant walk.

We examined old tomb stones to put together of a life gone by. Finding a whole plot with several family members, some as young as 6 months old and all having died within days of each other, I presumed one of those virus's that wiped out whole communities. I discussed things like how fortunate we are today,with our modern medicine and how much easier life is today than it was for our great-great grand parents.

It was on one of these walks, I delved into another very serious discussion about trust. This was the day, I shared with my young grandson, what it means to lose someones trust in him. As I told him, "Tell me one lie, and I lose trust in you and you will spend the next 10 years, working to regain that trust. So don't ever lie to your loved ones. The pain on both sides is long lasting and deep."

He told his first lie, within that year and sure enough, lost my trust in him. The next time he came to me with something he wanted to do, I had to tell him that since I couldn't be there with him, he couldn't go because I no longer trusted him. I think it was something like a year later, that I was able to show faith in my grandson again. Needless to say, he was relieved.

So what's my point? Just because you're a grown up, doesn't mean you can't lose someone's trust in you. Tell just one lie and you've lost it. You don't know the value in having others have faith in you, until you've lost it. Why risk that?

If you lie to your significant other, don't expect to have her faith in you for a very, very long time. It's harder to regain, than to hold on to her trust. To not be trusted, is about the hardest thing for a body to face.

Don't believe me? Try it.

She's Pulling Away - There's a Coldness in the Air

What's happening? What's going on? Why does she seem to have lost interest? Am I losing her?

If your wife tends to push you off, when you try to put your arms around her, it's definitely time to worry. How much do you cherish this marriage? Will you sit by and watch it slowly die?

Hopefully it's just a transition and not a lover on the side. When ice hangs in the air, it's time for you to do something.

If you have to, stash some extra cash for a great 'date night'. I'm not talking about a drinking bash or loud noise, I'm talking about that candle light dinner at a fine restaurant. I'm talking about reviving those feelings that won her over, in the beginning.

There's something about dressing for the occasion, soft lights and eye to eye contact, that brings the original love affair back into focus. Your most flattering shirt or suit, an air of luxury and quietness. Maybe even a special gift along with your thanks for being such a wonderful wife.

If you can afford it, why not a night at a nice hotel? Arrange for a good babysitter you both trust and your cell phone number for emergencies only. A night just for her and not about yourself. A night of sweeping her off her feet.

Sometimes, that ice in the air is a result of her feeling taken for granted. Like a rose, she must be tended to, fed and nurtured.

Little things like looking deep into her eyes, remind her of why she married you. A gentle hand on her waist carries a deeper more loving message than a pat on the rear.

Instead of introducing her as your 'old lady', how about changing that to 'love of my life'? Don't ever make the huge mistake of siding with anyone against your wife. I don't care if it one of the children or your mother. Your differences are to be discussed behind closed doors. Always let your wife know you are on her side, regardless of the circumstances.

Lift her up, idolize her and treat her like a queen. This is support for the both of you as you constantly remind yourself why you married her.

Never let ice hang in the air. Clear it out and fast.

Although it seems I'm not around much these days, the fact is I'm very busy online. Most of my writing is at the Crafter'sCorner the Home Site Blog the Trucking blog and my Christian site blog

This in a addition to Squidoo pages and on Facebook

I haven't deserted this blog, just been so busy with others.